After that day, Binh has been acting very spoiled lately, in a way I’d never seen before. Meanwhile, I’ve been keeping to myself, bringing him along whenever I meet or talk to anyone to prevent him from getting jealous.
This morning I chatted with a customer for a bit, and when I got back to the room at noon, he grumbled, “Why were you talking to that guy all morning?”
I explained, “Oh my god, he’s a regular customer, so I was just being friendly. I was wiping tables, and when he asked me something, I just answered. I didn’t say anything at all!”
Binh hugged me tightly, resentfully saying, “Next time you see him walk in, go inside. Let me go out to greet him.”
I chuckled. Who would have thought that someone as grumpy as Binh would become so childishly jealous when in love? But I was also happy, because only someone who truly loves and cherishes someone can be jealous.
After a week of practicing riding with Ut Hoai, Binh took his driving test and passed successfully. Thanks to that, he stopped hating Ut Hoai and even greeted him warmly whenever he visited the shop. Actually, Ut Hoai was the first friend Binh and I made since coming to Saigon; he might look tough, but he’s very sociable and friendly.
Ut Hoai is a year younger than us, so he calls us both “brother.” Once we became close, he often invited us out. Binh and I were hesitant because we didn’t have much money, but Ut Hoai understood and always insisted on paying for most of it, sometimes even paying for everything.
Ut Hoai’s family is large, but his older siblings are all married with children and have stable jobs. He said he could stay home and not starve; his siblings even told him he could stay home and look after their parents, as they could easily support them.
Because of this, Ut Hoai took Binh and me to many places. Sometimes we’d go for hot pot at one restaurant, other times for drinks at another, days we’d go to the park, and nights we’d go to the theater to watch a play.
The first time I saw a play, I laughed like crazy and cried like a baby, but in the end, what remained was an overwhelming feeling of happiness because I had learned something new.
That day, Ut Hoai had bought tickets for three seats next to each other. Binh and I were standing awkwardly outside the theater when Ut Hoai ran in, carrying a bunch of soda and snacks. She said, “Going to see this is only right if you have food and drinks.”
Inside the theater, I sat on the left, Ut Hoai followed and sat in the middle seat. Binh looked at her and cleared his throat, “That seat is mine!”
Ut Hoai pouted, “What’s with the fuss? Nobody’s trying to steal Phuc from you, why are you acting so dramatic?”
I chuckled as the two of them switched seats. I remember the first time we went out together, Ut Hoai had just sat down at the table and asked, “Do you two like each other?”
Binh and I were stunned for a moment, and Binh didn’t deny it: “Yeah, so what?”
Ut Hoai explained: “Well, what’s the big deal? I was just asking to be sure.”
I wondered: “But how do you know? Could it be that obvious?”
Ut Hoai scoffed: “Oh my god, you guys can fool anyone, but you can’t fool Saigon’s gay men. I can tell who’s on top and who’s on bottom just by looking at them.”
From then on, the three of us became even closer, talking to each other with complete openness.
But while we were happy, Tuan and An weren’t. The biggest company in the area had somehow shut down, so many workers lost their jobs. They were the direct victims, while our restaurant suffered indirectly.
Before, we were always busy around lunchtime, but now, from morning to evening, there aren’t many customers. With far fewer customers, Ms. An said to us, “I’m so sad, but I don’t know what to do anymore. Okay, let’s each take a shift. Binh will work the morning shift, and Phuc the afternoon shift.”
Of course, our wages were halved. But because of the circumstances, I had no reason to blame Ms. An. I said, “Don’t worry, Ms. An. Why don’t you let Binh do it? I can find work somewhere else.”
Binh immediately objected, “You’re in a strange place here, what kind of work are you doing? Wait until I buy a car, then I’ll find something else to do. If you work now, you’ll just walk home!”
After Ms. An left, Binh said to me, “Don’t worry, just do as Ms. An tells you. I’ll give you all my salary.”
I refused, “No way, that’s crazy.”
Binh replied, “What’s crazy? You should send the money back to support Hanh, I have plenty of food and rice up here. Consider it me taking care of my wife, right?”
I chuckled, finally accepting his “patriarchal” attitude.
Binh took out his phone, excitedly showing me a picture of his dream car. He exclaimed, “Damn, it’s beautiful! Driving this would be awesome, wouldn’t it?”
I looked at the price – thirty million dong – and felt dizzy. I said, “Yeah, it’s beautiful, but I don’t know when I’ll have enough money to buy it.”
But a month later, he actually brought that car home. The brand-new car made everyone in the boarding house envious; the guys in the next room kept coming over to see it whenever he was home to satisfy their craving.
I was more curious about something else, and An was just as curious as I was. I asked, “Where did you get the money to buy it so quickly?”
Binh replied, “I worked for Uncle Tu for a whole year, Dad. Do you think I’d do it for less money?”
I thought about it and realized he was right. He and Tam were Uncle Tu’s right-hand men; their illicit earnings must have been much more substantial. Several times with other people.
That evening, Binh drove me around the city. The streets were brightly lit, and people were still walking around until midnight.
We strolled around until we were tired, then stopped at a late-night noodle shop. Eating out on the street for the first time while the whole city was asleep was quite exciting.
Binh said, “Next week, Ut Hoai is inviting us to a bar, are you going?”
I asked, bewildered, “Going to a bar? What kind of bar is that?”
Binh explained, “It’s a nightclub! Ut Hoai said it’s a lot of fun, I want to go too.”
I replied, “But didn’t you hear what An said? Those places are really scary; the police raid them all the time for people doing ecstasy.”
Binh, while blowing on his noodles and stuffing them into his mouth, quickly said, “No, that’s not true. There are other places too.”
I nodded, thinking to myself, since I’m in the city, I might as well go once to see it.
The following weekend arrived quickly, but it was already late and I still hadn’t seen Ut Hoai come to invite me over. It wasn’t until ten o’clock at night that Binh finally changed his clothes. I wondered, “Hey, where are you going at this hour?”
Binh replied, “To the bar! People go to bars at this hour, not in the afternoon, right?”
This really showed how naive I was. I’d always believed that going out meant leaving early so you could be back on time.
Around ten-thirty, Ut Hoai arrived on her motorbike in front of the boarding house. I waited outside while Binh brought his motorbike out, and the moment I saw Ut Hoai, I was startled.
She was wearing shorts so short they barely covered her crotch, revealing her entire pair of slender, white thighs. Above, she was only wearing a tank top with a loosely zipped jacket over it. She had a necklace around her neck, a bracelet on her wrist, and very stylish sneakers.
I muttered, “Oh my god, I hardly recognize her!”
Ut Hoai replied, “That’s how you have to dress at a nightclub, isn’t it, brother? Don’t you think I’m pretty?”
Binh ran out of the house and replied, “Okay, okay, you’re pretty, you can tell she’s a flamboyant girl just by looking at her.”
Ut Hoai pursed her lips, pretending to be annoyed whenever Binh used those words to tease her. As for me, I felt that this style of dress had shattered all my understanding of fashion.
Following Ut Hoai, Binh drove me to a nightclub all the way in District 1. We parked our motorbike nearby and walked to the nightclub, which wasn’t far away. Ut Hoai walked ahead with great confidence, causing everyone passing by to turn and look.
I heard some people exclaim in admiration, but many of them were gossiping. Ut Hoai heard it too, and after hearing it, she said, “Ignore it, brother, why bother paying attention? They don’t support us financially, so why care about what they say?”
As soon as we entered the bar, the loud music was deafening. The chandeliers kept changing colors, flickering and flashing incessantly. The space was large but packed with people; we squeezed past others to get to our table, and it was so cramped that we were practically brushing against each other.
But what surprised me most was that Ut Hoai wasn’t alone with us; a group of people were already waiting at the table.
Amidst the incessant noise, one of the young men shouted, “Why are you only arriving now? We’ve been waiting for you for ages!”
Ut Hoai replied, “Please understand, I had to get ready!”
Another young man said, “Why bother getting ready? It’ll all fall apart anyway.”
In the dim light, I tried to observe everyone at the table. They were all men, each dressed stylishly in a masculine, edgy, and sophisticated way. Ut Hoai introduced them: “These two are my friends. Country boys who just came to Saigon.”
The guy standing next to me reached behind and squeezed my butt, making me jump. He said, “That’s typical of a country boy, a firm, bouncy butt. Unlike yours, which is so flabby.”
Ut Hoai laughed and said, “It’s not just a plump butt, it’s a huge dick too.”
Another person teased, “Have you tried it yourself or something? How do you know so much?”
The guy next to Ut Hoai said, “Ut Hoai is full of experience, she can tell big or small just by looking. What kind of question is that?”
The other person replied, “Okay, okay, I was wrong. Let’s have a drink to apologize, shall we?”
Just then, another person squeezed in from outside and said, “Why didn’t you wait for me? I won’t go with you again next time!”
I looked closely at the newcomer; he was even more handsome than Ut Hoai. He was also slender, but dressed much more elegantly than Ut Hoai.
The guy squeezed my butt and said, “You said you were going to pee, but you’ve been gone all afternoon. Who knows when you’ll be back?”
He explained, “Please understand, that guy over there took too long to come out, so he couldn’t come back right away…”
Ut Hoai yelled to drown out the music, “Oh my god, you devil! I brought a new friend out today, you’re making him judge us!”
The guy looked at me and Binh, then looked at Binh and exclaimed, “Oh, is that Binh? Wow, so handsome! I heard Ut Hoai say your dick is really big, is that true?”
Binh just smiled awkwardly, while Ut Hoai yelled, “Oh my god, you’re all giddy up when you see a guy!”
The guy squeezed between me and Binh, almost making me fall backward. Luckily, my older brother next to me put his arm around my shoulder and held me back. But then, he kept his arm on my shoulder and showed no intention of pulling it away.
He shouted, “Come in and we’ll talk more!”
Binh and I didn’t mind drinking, Back in our hometown, we could easily down rice wine, so these few glasses of beer were nothing to us. The guy who squeezed past us put his arm around Binh’s shoulder, while my older brother had his arm around his waist.
Neither Binh nor I felt comfortable, but out of respect for Ut Hoai, we forced a smile.
Suddenly, the guy hugging Binh said, “Why is Hoan so quiet seeing a new friend? Her lips are all purple, Dad?”
The guy standing next to Hoan replied, “She’s high, Mom.”
At this point, I looked closely at the corner where Hoan was standing, out of the light. Behind her was another person. That person was standing close to Hoan, with their arms around their stomach, occasionally thrusting their hips up.
Ut Hoai exclaimed, “Oh my god! If the manager sees this, they’ll kick the whole table out! Is the restroom really that far?”
The person standing next to Hoan said to Ut Hoai, “You don’t know anything at all. It’s so much fun doing it secretly in a public place like this. Look at his face…”
Hoan leaned his hands on the table, the loud music unable to drown out the moans and groans. The young man behind Hoan reached down to his crotch, fondling it right in front of us. But because the angle was dimly lit, it was hard to notice unless you looked closely.
I was extremely curious, because Hoan was clearly still wearing pants, so how could that young man penetrate him? Seeing me staring, the young man who was holding my waist explained, “You want to know how they do it, right? His pants have a button at the back. Do you like that? I can buy you a pair and we can try it sometime?”
I smiled shyly. On the other side, the young man clinging to Binh whined, “I’m drunk, Binh! Can you take me to the restroom, Binh?”
The man behind Hoan suddenly spoke up: “Going there means losing your hip, don’t blame me…”
Then he threw a small, transparent package onto the table. Inside were green, red, purple, and yellow pills that looked like candy. Seeing this, the boy said: “Playing with Binh is fun, but this is even more fun…”
Binh asked curiously: “What is this, guys?”
The boy next to me said: “Energy-boosting candy. You can play until morning after eating it.”
Binh and I exchanged glances, knowing for sure this wasn’t just ordinary candy.
The guy swaying behind Hoan didn’t hesitate to pop one in his mouth, then everyone in the group followed suit. Binh and I hesitated a little, and Ut Hoai saw this and said: “Okay, Binh and Phuc, if you’re scared, don’t drink it. Just have fun.”
I stared at the clip for a long time, hesitating, when the guy next to me grabbed me and shoved it into my mouth with one hand. I clenched my mouth shut and struggled, just then a siren blared from outside.
“Police! Police!”
The young man ignored me and immediately ran to the back. The crowd trampled over each other as they rushed towards the secret emergency exit built behind the building. Binh pulled me against the wall and shielded me from the fleeing crowd.
But the police then sealed off the back exit as well. The nightclub was so crowded that most people were trapped and taken to the police station. Of course, Binh and I couldn’t escape either.
So, at one or two in the morning, while everyone else was fast asleep, Binh and I were stranded at the station waiting for testing. Luckily, neither of us had chewed that candy; otherwise, who knows what the consequences would have been.
Once outside, Binh received a call from Ut Hoai. She said, “Luckily I stopped you two earlier, otherwise we wouldn’t have been able to escape in time.”
Binh and I had a close call, but luckily, thanks to Ut Hoai, we were both unharmed.
After that, I stopped going to bars, but Binh didn’t think the same way. I didn’t forbid him from going to such places. But I threatened to tell An if he dared put any colored candy in his mouth.
Gradually, Binh went to bars more and more often. But the good thing was that he always came home to sleep with me at exactly midnight; if he wasn’t coming home, he would call beforehand. And he’s become very handsome lately. Going to bars so often has helped him learn the style of those Saigon gentlemen. From his clothes to his demeanor, he’s quickly developed the air of a city dweller.
An’s shop is doing increasingly poorly, with a series of companies declaring bankruptcy due to financial difficulties. At this point, she and her husband are barely managing the shop. I guess Binh and I will have to find new jobs soon.
This morning, it was time to pay the rent, and I emptied my pockets—enough to live on for another month here. When the landlady came to collect the rent, she said to me, “I’ll charge you an extra hundred thousand dong this month. There are three of you in your room, why didn’t you let me know so I could register you as temporary residents?”
I was stunned: “But there are only two of us in my room!”
She insisted confidently, “Oh my God, I clearly saw three people going in and out!”
I suddenly felt a chill down my spine. Could it be that I couldn’t see that “other person”?
She explained further, “Every afternoon when you go to work, I see Binh coming home with someone else. People around here see it too, it’s not just me!”
I suddenly had a feeling something was wrong and asked further, “Did you see that person?” “What’s he like, ma’am?”
She replied, “Tall, thin, fair-skinned, looks like a pampered young gentleman. He’s been here for a whole month, that’s why I’m asking for extra money!”
I held the money in my trembling hand, not daring to think further about the scenario I was picturing in my head.
How could Binh possibly deceive me?
That afternoon, I left the house as usual. But when I got near Ms. An’s shop, I called out to her, “Ms. An, I have an urgent matter to attend to today, so I’d like to take the day off.”
Sister An mumbled a few words, then stopped. In reality, they could manage everything without me.
I immediately turned around and went home, my legs uncontrollably quickening. My hands were trembling by the time I reached the gate, hoping only Binh was inside.
But no… As soon as I reached the door of the room, I heard strange sounds… A soft moan, but I knew exactly what was going on inside.
I leaned against the wall and slowly sank to the floor. The sounds coming from inside were faint: “I’m so horny, Binh!” “Your dick is so big, so hard, Binh… You can play with me until evening tonight, okay?… Mmm… Penetrate me harder, Binh…”
Although there was no reply, the rapid breaths were enough for me to realize Binh was in a state of ecstasy. That breath brushed against my ear every day; even if I wanted to, I couldn’t possibly mistake it.
Ut Hoai’s moans continued, and she even asked, “Is it more pleasurable to be fucked by me or by Phuc?”
Binh replied haltingly, “I… I… enjoy it more…”
I felt a pang in my heart. Tears, I don’t know when, had already started to flow.
Ut Hoai’s moans grew louder and louder: “I’m about to come, brother… Brother Binh… I’m going to cum, Brother Binh… Brother Binh, release your semen into my pussy, Brother Binh… Mmm… Mmm…”
Binh roared, I knew that was the sound he made whenever he was about to ejaculate.
I jumped up, reached through the window frame and pulled it open. Inside, Binh and Ut Hoai were naked as newborns. Binh’s dick was thrust into Ut Hoai’s hole, her butt facing out the window for me to see completely. That hard dick was twitching and pumping semen into Ut Hoai’s ass. Even when he heard the sound of the door being pulled open, Binh only glanced back and continued to grimace as he ejaculated, too aroused to pull out.
I stood there with tears streaming down my face, while the two inside were still in their throes of pleasure. Ut Hoai was… The person who had separated Binh from me first hurriedly put their clothes back on and explained, “Brother Phuc, it’s not like that…”
I interrupted, “Binh, open the door, I want to talk to you for a bit.”
Binh then put his clothes back on, opened the door, and said, “Wait a minute, I’ll take Ut Hoai home first.”
With that, the two of them left together, leaving me in a state of confusion, only able to sigh in despair.
I felt completely drained of strength, and I collapsed to the side, the mess of semen scattered on the floor that the two of them hadn’t had time to clean up.
I didn’t need to cry because tears just flowed automatically. This happened so suddenly that I couldn’t cope in such a short time.
But… did it happen suddenly, or had it been going on for a long time without me knowing?
Binh returned, looking at me indifferently. He said, “What do you want to talk about?”
I asked, “Don’t you have anything to explain to me?”
Binh clicked his tongue, “It’s so obvious, what more is there to explain? Do you want me to detail every single time we had sex – what positions we used, how long, whether it was pleasurable or not?”
I never imagined that Binh would ever use such cold words to talk to me.
I asked again, “Don’t you think you’re being unreasonable?”
Binh replied, “Unreasonable? If I didn’t do that, it would be unreasonable to Ut Hoai.”
My eyes welled up as I looked at him, my voice breaking with choked emotion, “Since I came here, I’ve only been intimate with you, I haven’t dared to think about anyone else. Now you’re saying these things to me because of someone you just met?”
Binh turned away, replying, “Well, you’re devoted to me, but Ut Hoai is too. Besides, we’re not… lovers, are we?”
My heart tightened, a sharp, suffocating pain gripping me. Binh was right; we had never been in a relationship. It turned out I was the only one who had been mistaken all along.
I closed my eyes, not daring to look at him anymore. I wasn’t sure if this was the Binh I once knew. I swallowed my tears, forced a weak smile, and said, “Yeah, so all the things we did together weren’t really a couple.”
Binh replied, “Don’t blame me. You did so much for me, but Ut Hoai did too. She bought me a car, because I gave you all my money, so I didn’t have a penny left. She took me out to places, while you just stayed home all day. You weren’t bored, but I was, too! And could you give me three rounds of sex in one evening like she did? She was more skilled at thrusting and moaning than you. Ask any other man, and see who he would choose in this situation?”
I couldn’t say anything, because it was clear I was no better than them. I lay there sobbing, and Binh did the same. He didn’t care at all. He went into the bathroom, texting and laughing hysterically, completely oblivious to my well-being.
The pain in my chest spread through my veins, my soul felt numb as if my heart was riddled with shards.
I never thought I’d loved Binh so much. Nor did I expect the heartbreak of a failed relationship to be this painful.
…I don’t know how long I was asleep, but when I woke up, I saw Ut Hoai sitting in front of me. She placed a lunchbox in front of me and said, “It’s already happened, so eat your meal. I came here to tell Binh. From tomorrow, he’ll be moving in with me. I’ve rented a place for him, cleaner and more spacious than here, with air conditioning. Normally, when we have sex here, it’s too hot and sweaty, and uncomfortable.”
At this point, Ut Hoai didn’t bother hiding her shameless face anymore. But if I’m angry at Ut Hoai, I should be even angrier at Binh.
If Binh hadn’t changed his mind, whether or not Ut Hoai was there, our relationship would never have fallen apart.
If Binh wanted to find someone better, if it wasn’t Ut Hoai, it would have been someone else.
I replied indifferently, “Yeah, anything else?”
Ut Hoai sighed, “Well… Aren’t you curious about when Binh and I started seeing each other?”
I gave a wry smile, “What’s the point of knowing?”
No one asked, but Ut Hoai still recounted, “Binh and I started seeing each other back when I took him to his driving lessons, and for four or five months he didn’t know anything at all, huh? I really have a good eye for people; Binh was so clever at cheating on me.”
I didn’t bother to reply, and Ut Hoai continued: “You wouldn’t believe it, every time we make love, he praises my hole for being so tight even after so much use. Unlike you, yours gets stretched out after only a short time! As the bottom, you have to take care of yourself, otherwise your boyfriend will get bored quickly. I’m giving you honest advice, not being sarcastic.” Then she continued, “But Binh is so generous. If I met someone who was country bumpkin, dark-skinned, penniless, didn’t know how to go out, and didn’t know how to dress like him, I probably wouldn’t last more than three days. I feel so sorry for Binh, that’s why I tried to seduce him, let him have sex with me, satisfy him so he would know there are better people in the world…”
I still didn’t bother to reply. Ut Hoai looked at me and sighed, “How disappointing. I put in so much effort and money, and I couldn’t even make him angry. It’s no fun anymore… I thought he would throw a tantrum like those guys I stole before, but instead he just stayed calm after losing his girlfriend?”
I gave a wry smile, “Binh and I aren’t lovers. We weren’t before, we’re not now, and we won’t be in the future. It’s a shame, I’ve disappointed you.”
Seeing me so calm, Ut Hoai couldn’t accept it, and finally, she was the first to lose her temper: “You’re furious, aren’t you? Don’t pretend to fool me! You want to tear me apart, curse me, why don’t you? You’re so angry but you don’t dare? How cowardly!”
I found her like that strangely amusing. I calmly replied, “What’s there to be angry about? The jar of spoiled food I left in the house hadn’t been thrown away yet, and a dog poked its head in and ate it all. I couldn’t thank the dog enough, so why would I be angry? Isn’t that right?”
Ut Hoai pointed at my face and said, “Damn it! Remember my face! From now on, if you see me anywhere, avoid me immediately, or don’t blame me!”
Then she stormed off, and I picked up my lunchbox, intending to throw it in the trash. The guy from the next room was sitting on a bench opposite the trash can, enjoying the cool breeze. Looking at the bag of rice and seeing the meat still intact, he said, “Hey, is there any left in the lunchbox? Did it spoil or something that you threw it in the trash?”
I replied, “It’s edible, but I hate it, so I won’t eat it.”
He snatched the bag of rice from my hand and said, “If you won’t eat it, give it to me. Why throw it away?”
He clapped his hands on the bench, gesturing for me to sit down with him. While eating, he asked, “That guy is your boyfriend’s mistress, right?”
I asked, “You know about it too?”
He replied, “I see him coming and going all the time. One time he was moaning so loudly I couldn’t even take a nap.”
I sighed, looking up at the starless night sky, and asked, “Why didn’t you tell me?” He took a bite of the pork rib, the juices sticking to his cheek, and chewed as he said, “It’s their business, I’m an outsider, I shouldn’t interfere. If you fail to catch them, and it all falls apart, they’ll curse me and argue with you, and that’ll only make things more complicated.”
I thought he was right. If the people involved don’t want to protect their happiness, even an outsider trying to protect it won’t be able to.
He continued, “But anyway, think more broadly. If it’s meant to be, it’ll come; if it’s not, it’ll go. He’s the first man you’ve met, not the last, so why worry?”
I chuckled, surprised that a manual laborer like him could say something like that in this situation. I joked, “You’re so clever, aren’t you? I know you’ll meet someone else later, but if he’s gone now, what’s the point?”
He suddenly leaned close to my ear and whispered, “Do you need it? I can lend it to you. Honestly, you really made me happy that night, so if you ask me for it, I won’t refuse!”
I playfully hit him on the shoulder a few times and sauntered into my room. After showering, I… I wiped away the dried, yellowish semen stains on the tile floor.
Once upon a time, my mother was listening to some tearful, tragic love stories on the radio. I didn’t believe such things could actually happen in real life. Little did I know that one day, I myself would become the main character in one of those stories.